We interrupt this broadcast…

We’ll get back to golf in just a minute folks. In the meantime let’s discuss Topic A in the Bay Area sports world: Alex or Colin?

Let me illustrate how pervasive this issue has become.  I work at a non-profit organization that is committed to providing financial services to low and moderate income households so that they can pull themselves up and get ahead. This past Friday we had an Advisory Board meeting, an occasion when we assemble people from academia and the world of socially responsible investing to tell them about all the cool stuff we’re doing.  I was not participating, but through my office walls  I could hear the conversation  as our executive staff and some of the Board members had lunch.  They started, as you might expect, all fiscal cliff and bank bailout and current trends in the mortgage market.  But then that ran out of gas.

So where do you think the conversation with all these high-minded types, people  engaged in the important work of advancing economic justice wound up? Syria? Nah. Climate change? Nope.  No, they got into it about who should start as QB for the San Francisco 49ers.

A quarterback controversy is like catnip to sports minded males.  We can’t resist it.  It appeals to our inner General Manager, or the head coach we know we could be.  It calls upon all those delicious human reactions like hindsight and second-guessing.

And it goes deeper than that.  It is essentially a sibling rivalry and that conjures up every bit of emotion associated with that sort of competition.  Cain and Abel was a quarterback controversy.  In fact a lot of messy situations throughout human history were quarterback controversies.  Shia versus Sunni is a still unresolved dispute over who should have gotten the starting job after Mohammed retired.  And the Great Schism, when there were Popes in Rome and Avignon?  A quarterback controversy so bad they broke the team into two.

No, it’s clearly intriguing and weirdly addictive stuff.  And the bad news–if you see this sort of thing as a distraction–for Niners fans? It’s only getting started.

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December 3, 2012

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Talkin’ about a reformation

Hey! Who let this guy in the club?

Alrighty then, so NOW we’ve got something to talk about.  It turns out that in the wake of the decision to ban anchored putting a whole new, larger, and far more significant issue has emerged: should there be a different set of rules for pros as opposed to amateur golfers? You know, one set for those who get paid to play, and another for those who pay to play.

Well I have an emphatic and unequivocal response to that suggestion: No. Never.

I have a noble–or at least noble sounding–reason for this stance, as well as a rationale, that if not ignoble, is  simply more accommodating to the reality of the game as most of us play it.  Since most of you are pressed for time, let me start with the first.

I reject the idea that there should be bifurcation of the rules because, although raised a Protestant, I am proud to be a member of the catholic and holy apostolic church of golf.  One set of rules uber alles.  Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.  The rules on the muni are as it is at Augusta, stroke and distance, now and forever, amen.  We have our saints (Hogan, Nelson, Jones), as well as our sacraments (“And he said unto them, verily, as I mix equal parts of iced tea and lemonade, you shall name this after me.”)

As a member of this global fraternity and sorority, I sit here in the rainy early morning hours in San Francisco knowing that  right now a golfer somewhere in this world is taking a drop for an unplayable lie and that another is glumly hitting a provisional, and that reassures me that we are all in this together.  I think I speak for a lot of golfers when I say that while watching the Big Boys play on TV I experience a sense of solidarity, knowing that although mine is a far inferior version, we are all playing essentially the same game, subject to the same random misfortunes and governed by the same rules.  Why break that up?

As for my second reason, well, that can wait.  It’s Friday and I’ve got work to do, and so, I would wager, do you.  Hasta luego.

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November 30, 2012

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Okay, but only because I feel like I have to

I count five. How many do you see?

Given that I am somebody who writes about the game, I feel an obligation to say something, anything, about the USGA and R&A’s colossally historic and significant decision to ban anchored putting.  And I will, but first I should examine why this issue doesn’t get my juices flowing.  What has struck me the most as I watched the buildup to Wednesday’s announcement was my apathy about the whole controversy.  I had an opinion, but that’s not the same thing as really caring.

Having given this a moment or two of thought, I think my indifference is just masked aversion to the topic of putting itself.  I think putting is fundamentally the most misleading and ultimately the most embarrassing thing about the game.  And of course, as every golfer reading these words is no doubt thinking, it is also the most decisive determinant of success when playing.  But, even acknowledging the critical importance of putting, I still think the less said about it, the less people see of it, the better.

Here’s what I mean by that: I would hope that even the most jaded non-golfer out there would appreciate the athleticism of a Dustin Johnson or Rory McIlroy as they uncoil and launch a ball a distance of over three football fields towards a target area the size of half a tennis court.  But, let’s face it, the last ten feet or so of their ball’s journey to the bottom of the cup just doesn’t look all that impressive.  What the non-golfer sees when he sees putting is some guy doing something that any slob can do, just not that well.  In a world that generates a daily barrage of video images of improbably phenomenal athletic feats, the footage of some guy in red slacks rolling a ball fifteen feet into a little hole seems, frankly, pretty lame.  We may all know that it’s a good bit harder than it looks, but that doesn’t change the fact that the image undermines the argument that golf is a demanding sport.

And so, I found our little civil war to be just a tad embarrassing.  I don’t blame the rest of the world for eavesdropping on the conversation and then voicing a skeptical “Really?” to the proceedings.  To the outsider it must seem like the modern equivalent of those medieval debates about the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin.

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November 29, 2012

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Giving thanks

In honor of my favorite holiday, here’s what I’m thankful for this year, at least as far as golf is concerned:

Tiger’s return to relevance:  I was happy to see this not because I’ve ever been that big a fan, but because I found the spectacle of people dancing on his grave to be pretty disturbing.  Yes, he’s always been arrogant, and yes his off-course behavior was atrocious, but he’s hardly unique in either respect when it comes to elite athletes.  And all those green jackets and trophies?  He may have cheated on his wife, but he won those fair and square, unlike a certain cyclist–you know the one, the only guy in the sport that Americans can name.  Schadenfreude is a lot like flatulence: just because we’re all prone to it doesn’t make it attractive.

  

A role model, of sorts

         Technology:  When it comes to the digital world, I am a bit of a Luddite.  But when it comes to the world of the dimpled ball, I’m in!  I am thoroughly enjoying the new drivers and fairway woods, not to mention the assortment of new ball designs.  It’s like plastic surgery for golfers.  I may be getting older but I can still look mah-velous out there.  My drives aren’t drooping prematurely.  My approach shots are still crisp and firm.  I don’t care if it’s not covered in my health plan: I’m buying whatever Drs. Calloway, Taylor and Ping are offering.

The game itself: I have two kinds of friends: those who golf and those who don’t.  And in the immortal words of Mr. T. “I pity the fools”–and you guys know who you are.  My non-golfing buddies aren’t inert coach potatoes.  They all have exercise routines.  But these tend towards the solitary, non-competitive, gym-centric sort of activities.  There’s no game involved, no opportunities for insult and trash talking, no money on the line.  Just reps, laps or the same old route.

A couple weekends ago I was putzing around the practice green when a threesome rolled up to the 10th tee and asked if I wanted to join them.  I think the average age in this group was around 80, but there they were, giving each other shit, grumbling about each other handicaps, having a great time on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  Sure they were playing octogenarian golf.  This is a version of the sport in which competitors hit a series of shots until they are about fifty yards away from the green and then the real competition starts.  It’s all about who can get up and down from there.  But, really what choice do they have?  It’s that or nothing.  (Moral of the story: if you’re tired of hearing that it’s all the short game now, just wait.  That’s going to be all that’s left!)

Anyway, I had a great time with them.  It was both fun and inspirational.  I can only hope that I can be like those guys (or Joan for that mater) and continue to be a playah for as long as I’m around.  Thank you golf, for making that a possibility.

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November 17, 2012

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Golf and politics

One does…

Golf and politics.  They don’t mix particularly well, but given that there’s not a lot of real news in the golf world these days, aside from tournaments that happen on the far side of the world and empty speculation about endorsement deals, I thought we might just dive in since, well, you know why.

No, they don’t mix: Just a hunch but I imagine that most foursomes are in agreement politically. Just as in Dr. Suess (One group, two group, red group, blue group) there are red foursomes and there are blue foursomes.  And thus golf imitates the rest of life, in which we cluster in similar minded groups that enable us to reinforce our opinions while simultaneously heightening our disdain for the opposing point of view.  It’s like that old bit of advice about drinking: never mix, never worry.

Nothing is as it used to be:   So, who was the golfer in this election? The really square, uber-rich white guy with the car elevator, or the bi-racial dude who smoked weed as a kid and listens to rap music?  Whether you want to hear it or not, it says something about the game and about the country.

The other doesn’t

Explaining the Electoral College:   It’s match play.  The total number of strokes–or votes–doesn’t determine the winner.  It’s the player who wins more holes–or electoral votes–who comes out on top.  Think of it this way: this election was a 50 hole match between two evenly matched players.  To extend the metaphor to the breaking point, one guy was just monstrously long off the tee and was a lock to win all the par-5 holes.  The other guy was always dialed in like a laser on his irons, so the par-3 holes were always going to be his. As a result there were a lot of holes where there was absolutely no suspense about the outcome.  Instead, the winner would be determined on a subset of difficult par-4 holes, the most significant of which runs along Lake Erie.

Shocking news: According to people who were monitoring Twitter leading up to the election, the majority of PGA players were voting for Romney.  What a surprise.  If you need this explained to you, read my book, “Why We Golf.”

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November 8, 2012

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Compare and contrast

As a proud resident of San Francisco and a life long fan of the Giants, I have been a tad distracted lately.  Right now, everything in my world is only  a degree or two of separation away from baseball.  So, in that spirit, let’s look at the games of golf and baseball.

Baseball could use a slope index:   The slope index was developed as a way of measuring the relative difficulty of golf courses.  We get our course handicaps by multiplying our index by the number you get from dividing the slope of the course we’re playing by 121, the slope number that represents the difficulty of  the average course.  (Don’t ask.)  But in baseball, performance is performance.  The caliber of competition does not factor into the measurement.  So, as much as we Giants fans all enjoyed Matt Cain’s perfect game this year, it was against the woeful Houston Astros.  It may well have been the technical equivalent of pitching a two or three hitter against a real major league team.  And, in a more immediately relevant example, Justin Verlander, the recently crowned Most Dominant Pitcher in the History of the Sport, chalked up his glittering postseason stats against the free swinging A’s and a dispirited, aging Yankees lineup.

Metamorphic moments:  Pressure changes things.  Limestone, humble sedimentary strata, becomes marble, the stuff of statues and palaces.  And so it is with sport, particularly golf and baseball.  There is always the significance of a particular play or possession in a team sport such as football or basketball.  But the pressure of the moment doesn’t transform the pedestrian or the tedious in the same way as in baseball or golf.  Consider the marathon at bat when a batter fouls off pitch after pitch.  There is nothing that better expresses the sense of watching and seeing nothing happen that is such a frequent criticism of baseball than witnessing this kind of confrontation in a Thursday night game in July between two sub .500 teams.  But take this situation and transfer it into–oh, I don’t know, let’s say Sergio Romo v. Jay Bruce in Game 5 of the NLDS–and you have moments of unbearable suspense and drama.  And so it is with the humble little four or five foot putt with a just bit of break to it.  No really big deal, right?  Just a bit of housecleaning on the 14th hole on a Friday afternoon.  But switch the scene to the 72nd hole of a major or the last hole of a Ryder Cup match, and well, that’s another thing entirely.

It’s all about the short game: In this postseason, baseball looked a lot like a U.S. Open: the victor wasn’t the longest hitter, but the one who made the fewest mistakes and performed the best in the clutch.  The Giants were only the fifth team to hit the fewest home runs in the regular season and yet win the World Series.  Think about the winning run in Game 4: the back-up second baseman hits a single, the shortstop sacrifices him over and then the starting second baseman gets a base hit to drive in the run.  If that’s not the baseball equivalent of getting up and down, I don’t know what is.

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November 3, 2012

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A word from our sponsor

I will confess to somewhat obsessively tracking the amount of traffic this blog receives and things have picked up a great deal recently.  So, acting on the assumption that my readership has finally expanded ever so slightly from my beloved, but limited, circle of family and friends, I think it appropriate that I let you newcomers in on something:

If you like the blog, you’ll love the book.  That’s right folks, just mosey on over to Amazon, type in “Why We Golf,” pay a modest sum and you can own the book that started it all.  Because, you see, I did this all backwards.  You’re supposed to develop what they refer to as your ‘platform’ and then publish a book that has a built-in audience.  But not me.  I produced a book and only then did I start blogging.  So help me catch up. You’ll be glad you did.

You could own this. And you should.

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October 20, 2012

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